The Power of Grace

2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

"Grace" is my word for the year. Having grace in my own journey, giving grace to others, and being an example of grace. This post has been a long time coming but I've struggled with how to put into words my feelings and desires of as late. Last year, walking in faith was a big step. To have and show grace has been a constant struggle for me, mostly in myself.

Often times, it is easy to give ourselves grace when we make mistakes, poor judgement calls or "judge" someone else harshly. It can often be blown off by saying, "Oh I was just having a bad day," or "I'll just pray for forgiveness" and leave the situation unresolved. Opening those lines of communication and having those difficult conversations is trying for most and I am no exception. My pride gets in the way. So while I'm giving myself grace in being vulnerable, I'm attempting to give others that same grace because they deserve it just as much. Or maybe they don't but its not a judgement call I should be making.

Just as I'm giving myself grace, I'm trying to be patient with others as they flounder through life just like I am. Its sometimes draining to stay positive and remember that things will work out one way or another but, again, I'm trying. Especially with the kids, I'm trying to be more deliberate in walking in grace. Because I'm critical of myself, I am also critical with them. Occasionally they need it but often they need to SEE my grace and love more.

Hebrews 4:16 says, "Let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Along this walk, I'm finding my heart and my family being pulled to ministry and we're finally at a place in our journey where Mark and I are allowing ourselves to be led. We are learning to submit ourselves and be content with a role with greater emotional reward than monetary. Sometimes this means change of job roles and more walking in grace. We pray for favor in this. In this submission over the past year, I have seen so many blessings open up before us. Ones that we might have missed had we not been paying attention. I'm learning that God's grace is dynamic. It motivates and empowers us.

One Year Anniversary

Today is one year anniversary of the call to action in our lives. One year ago today, we put all our eggs in one basket, pushed our husband and father out of the house, and prayed that we would learn to fly as we all jumped from that proverbial cliff. I've learned quite a few things in the last year and I thought I'd share some of them with you. 

There were things that we did in an effort to save ourselves emotionally and/or physically. I wish I had gone ahead and reached out to our family and friends more. Things that we did that hurt our friends and our family when our intentions were noble that I wish I could take back. I wish I could go back and explain better the reasoning for our decisions. The method behind our mad thoughts. In the midst of the shame, fear, sadness and loneliness that we felt, I wish we had felt comfortable enough to reach out to our "supporters."

To those "supporters" I want to say thank you. Thank you for the last year of prayers, words of comfort or support. Thank you for loving us when we were less loving. Thank you for believing in us when we struggled to believe in ourselves. Thank you for being genuinely happy for us. Hawaii was a life choice and not just one where we were thinking of beaches and vacation life.

Hawaii is even more than we originally expected. It is absolutely a melting pot in every sense of the word. First world living by Third World standards. You have homeless sleeping outside malls selling Cartier and Tiffany watches. Tiny houses sell for hundreds of thousands of dollars and land is a rapidly shrinking resource. These are just the tip of the iceberg.

I still firmly believe we are here for a reason and I absolutely believe it starts with those two amazing kids I get to call mine. This move has made them strong, more resilient, and opened their eyes to some of the world around them. The changes over the last year are minimal in comparison to what others may be going through. We are strong enough and together, we grow stronger every day.

Strong Enough - Matthew West

You must

You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not strong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough

Serendipity Abounds

This post is a little late in coming, but I still wanted to share this with you. It just goes to show that you never know what is in store for you or what is already in the works.

So, if you are keeping up with this blog, you've been keeping up with our journey over the past year. If not, please feel free to venture through previous posts and learn what we've been up to. That being said, I was having a conversation recently with the office manager about me going to work for this school. Everyone is so very happy I've joined the staff at Waolani Judd. It will fade as I become a more permanent fixture but it's always nice to receive recognition for work done well, to be appreciated for my contributions. The office manager made the comment that, as an office last fall, they handed over their need in prayer for a new employee. She said they had very specific requests but they didn't give up praying. 

They prayed for someone with office experience that had worked with some accounts payable/receivable, some inventory management, a bit of website management, a good multitasker, and someone with childcare experience that could also help out the teachers as an emergency substitute and as an aide when needed. Additionally, they prayed for someone with children that could attend the school so that they could benefit from the opportunities staff members receive. I jokingly asked her when they started praying this prayer.  She laughed and said oh at the start of the school year, so the beginning of August. She continued in a lighthearted manner with, "But we didn't give up. We just kept praying and praying and praying." 

At this point, I was just standing there in shock. It took me a few moments to find words again. I told her that Mark lost his job at the end of August but that things had started a downward trend in the middle of that month. Isn't it funny how God can be at work for the things we pray for without us even knowing? Without us possibly ever seeing everything he has put in place for us? Four thousand miles away from the only home I've ever known, on a tiny island, a small group of people in a small school sent up a small prayer with such conviction that God picked out the perfect answer for them. Without sounding like I'm gloating, so far I feel that I have been everything they prayed for. Someone with a family who could benefit from their children attending. I have office as well as childcare experience. I was an answer to their prayers and they don't let me forget that, which is very humbling at times. 

Just as they prayed for us, our family had started praying for direction. A new path we could walk together. Change is scary, sometimes painful and difficult. The unknown is the same. But, when you can look back and say, I gave it all to Him and He wrapped His arms around us and placed is precisely where we were needed, it is an amazingly beautiful thing. 

The song I chose that I'm listening to a lot right now is Switchfoot's "Live It Well." I hope you are living well. Aloha, my loves!!🌺🌺 

Live It Well

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RW2cayoYGdk

Yeah (I wanna live it well) Yeah, yeah
(I wanna live it well) Yeah

Take the burden from my arms
Take the anchors off my lungs
Take me broken and make me one
Break the silence and make it a song

Life is short; I wanna live it well
One life, one story to tell
Life is short; I wanna live it well
And you're the one I'm living for
Awaken all my soul
Every breath that you take is a miracle
Life is short; I wanna live it well, yeah

I wanna sing with all my heart a lifelong song
Even if some notes come out right and some come out wrong
'Cause I can't take none of that through the door
Yeah, I'm living for more than just a funeral
I wanna burn brighter than the dawn

Life is short; I wanna live it well
One life, one story to tell
Life is short; I wanna live it well
And you're the one I'm living for
Awaken all my soul
Every breath that you take is a miracle
Life is short; I wanna live it well, yeah

I got one life and one love
I got one voice, but maybe that's enough
'Cause with one heartbeat and two hands to give
I got one shot and one life to live
One life to live, yeah
And every breath you take is a miracle

Life is short; I wanna live it well
One life, one story to tell (one love)
Life is short; I wanna live it well
And you're the one I'm living for (the one, yeah)
Awaken all my soul
Every breath that you take is a miracle
Life is short; I wanna live it well
And you're the one I'm living for

One life, one love
(One love) One life, one love
(One voice) One voice, yeah
(And that's enough) And that's enough, oh
(One heartbeat, two hands to give)
I got one shot and one life to live
One life to live

Travels of the Heart

Happy Saturday! I have some news to share as everyone begins to wrap up the month of July. As you probably know, Mark accepted a position as project manager for a company here on the island. He's wading through training currently. Inter-island travel, dedicated 40 hours, and mandatory vacation time each year are just a few of the perks. 

We decided to enroll the kids in a private school rather than continue to homeschool. It will be a big change but they've always greeted challenges head on and we know they will do well. This school is part of the church we are attending, so the kids have already had the opportunity to meet much of the staff and some of the other students.

Along with the kids' school news, I have accepted a position at the school as well. I will be working some in their preschool room and also as an office assistant. I joked with the principal that it has been 11 years since I sat behind a desk, but I'm sure the learning curve isn't terrible. We'll all be home together for weeknight dinners and weekend trips and homework and activities and last minute projects and study sessions, lol. 

While change is sometimes hard, other times it is quite easy. Here's to navigating new waters!!!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Paper Bag Princess

Today I come sharing a post with no fancy scripture or beautiful song. This post is about a moment in which my heart was so happy, it almost leaped out of my chest.

Yesterday at Honolulu First Church of the Nazarene, we attended a program to teach us about the Nazarene faith. I knew from previous experiences that the Nazarene ideals and the Methodist are very similar but I didn't know to what extent. I felt that if we were going to become regular attendees to this church, that we should be aware of the many facets that make up this particular religion. 

On the way to church, Irelynn told me that she really wanted to start making blessing bags again. Now a blessing bag is really just a care package that she came up with to help the homeless in our Oklahoma community. She put together a small, non-perishable meal and a card from our church and had them ready for when we happened across such a fellow.

So we began a discussion about what she could do, how she could best use resources available to her and how she could be serve this community. The children attended the program with me because I believe they are old enough to share in this decision. They were both attentive and active participants. One question Irelynn asked in particular makes me think much on her future. She asked if it was considered missionary work if you reached out to your local community. She said she would like to learn different languages to be able to share the word with people here that may not have access to it. 

After the program ended for the day, I suggested that she speak with the preacher about her idea for the blessing bags. Pastor Randy seems very much to be a person with a heart for missions. Not surprisingly, he loved the idea and even gave Irelynn another gentleman who has been nudging the pastor about restarting a similar activity that the church once took part in. She was so filled with joy that it filled me up as well.

The message in service that day was about the story of the paper bag princess and the Apostle Paul. Sometimes, the heroes we have in the world don't come dressed as such. They are the ordinary everyday that have such extraordinary love, compassion and drive in their hearts that it must be shared. And then, in the story of Paul, we are reminded that our work is nothing more than to give back the gift of love we were first given and to share it.

My little paper bag princess has great big things in her future and I can't wait to watch them unfold.

You'll Never Be Alone

I wasn't looking for a sign. We were busy getting a life started here and once again I'm reminded that the path we're on is bigger than just us. Let me give you a perfect example. I'm taking you back to this past Pentecost Sunday, May 15th. In traditional Christian circles, it's known as the beginning of the church. I had requested with my work that starting in June, I work a closing shift so that we could start looking for a church home. I was contacted May 14th, Saturday afternoon and told that my request was being honored and effective immediately. We chose a church close to our house. It was a preacher that Mark had met through his work. The church is a Nazarene church and I think we probably all went into the service with our own apprehensions. There was definitely a lot of emotion both expressed and withheld from our family but one of the things that definitely stood out to me was the proclamation of Pentecost Sunday. 

The message was what does this mean and what shall we do? One of the Bible verses the pastor spoke about said I'm sending you. One of the last services I listened to before we actually made the move was part of a series called Dangerous Prayers at Life.Church and in it we prayed to be broken, to ask to be sent where he needs us and that message spoke to me deeply. It scared me but it gave me conviction and furthered my believe that stepping out in faith was what we were meant to do. Now I don't know if this church will become a place we can start setting down roots or not. I do know it was another awakening, a good reminder that we are where we are supposed to be and also that we need to continue moving forward because there are greater things in store.

This post's song lyrics come from Capital Kings, "You'll Never Be Alone"

I'm the street lights that guide you home
I'll be the G.P.S when you've lost your phone
I'll be the song that's rockin' in your headphones
I'll show you the signs
To let you know
You'll never be alone

Hey

Let me start it off by sayin' this

You mean everything to me nothin' I wouldn't risk
Every single second and moment that passes by
I'm thinkin' about you and I really want you to know that

There's something more out there
Somethin' that will hold you very tight when you're scared
'Cause I know when times get tough and it starts to feel rough
It can feel like everythings crashin' down on ya

So when it seems like every road you're on has hit a dead end
There is hope
Let me show

I'm the street lights that guide you home
I'll be the G.P.S when you've lost your phone
I'll be the song that's rockin' in your headphones
I'll show you the signs
To let you know
You'll never be alone
You'll never be alone

Man
Crazy how you got this far
I'd be sittin' just wonderin' where to start
Last week you were sayin' that somethin' just ain't right
Layin' in your bed stayin' up all night

'Cause
This life is harder than it seems
But one thing I've learned is never stop chasin' your dreams
And if it, if it ever get's to hectic for you
Stop for a second and remember one thing.

So when it seems like every road you're on has hit a dead end
There is hope
Let me show

I'm the street lights that guide you home
I'll be the G.P.S when you've lost your phone
I'll be the song that's rockin' in your headphones
I'll show you the signs
To let you know
You'll never be alone
You'll never be alone

Sometimes life is an ocean
We're just trying to flow
We get caught in slow motion
From the undertow

Sometimes the path to choose
Is right in front of you
You just gotta let go

I'm the street lights that guide you home
I'll be the G.P.S when you've lost your phone
I'll be the song that's rockin' in your headphones
I'll show you the signs
To let you know

You'll never be alone

The Eye of the Beholder

We have officially been in Hawaii a full week now. We are getting settled into routines and unpacking has been minimized to just what comes in the mail that day. My poor parents were left with a room of boxes to send to us over the next few months. Still cheaper than a moving company, but a hassle all the same. Thanks to the home decorator's eye of a good friend, hard labor of another friend, an eye for a deal by my husband and friends, and then the random items I packed to fill our new home, things are starting to come together. 

It's funny how the brain rationalizes change. I'm sitting here with a cup of tea listening to the rain, and it rains every day in the valley, and thinking of how easy this final transition has been on the kids. When we walked into this house, it became home. We lived out of suitcases and the kids on an air bed for a few days. Eventually, I found a deal on beds I wanted for such a small space and we started really putting our mark on this home. We've gotten into a pretty good routine again with the kids' schoolwork as well.

We been bouncing between acting like tourists and like locals. We've made a couple of trips to see some sights but we've also walked around Kalihi just to learn where things are and get to know the town we now live in. On Monday, my "staycation" is over and I go back to work. We'll have to adjust our routines again, but hopefully it will be another easy transition.

 I have missed being home with my kids all day. I've been being able to kiss my husband hello after work. I've missed being able to run errands and clean house or work on a garden throughout my day. At the same time, I've missed interacting with my regulars. I've missed hanging out with my coworkers. I'm ready to go back to work but I'm just not ready to leave my family. Isn't that funny?

Perspective is a good thing. I have a servant's heart and I show love through my actions. By cooking or cleaning or interacting with my family, I share my love. It's the same at work. I show my appreciation for my job, for my customers by devoting time to each of them. To me, it's a beautiful thing. I've been reading some sermons online as we've yet to find a church close by and I wanted to share part of one with you:

It's true: beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and as the adage goes, "The eyes are the window to the soul." Even Jesus spoke of this in Matthew 6:22-23 (Living Bible translation): "If your eye is pure, there will be sunshine in your soul. But if your eye is clouded with evil thoughts and desires, you are in deep spiritual darkness. And oh, how deep that darkness can be!"

Spiritual vision is our capacity to see clearly what God wants to do in our lives. But this spiritual insight can be easily clouded by our thoughts and desires. Self-serving desires, interests, and goals block that vision and cause us to see everything in a negative light.

I think author Ed Rehbein said it best: "A 'clear' eye is healthy, whole, pure and unspotted. A person with a clear eye has a wholesome outlook--he sets his focus on that which is good. Consequently, he fills himself with light. 'Light' is a figure of speech describing things that are good in life such as truth, righteousness and purity--even God and Jesus are called light (1 John 1:5 & John 1:4). So a clear eye opens the window of your soul to the sweet Light of Life."

I want so much to see the world through God's eyes. I want the same compassion and love found in His eyes to be revealed in mine as well. Instead of finding fault in others, I want to see their true beauty. Instead of focusing on weaknesses, I hope to make an effort to search for strong points.

One of my new favorite sayings

Here's to living well, my friends! Aloha!🌺

One Box at a Time

We are officially in the single-digit countdown to be together as a family in Hawaii. There have been so many highs and lows in this journey that it's hard to believe we are finished with one chapter and starting a new one. What little belongings we have left to start this new life with a fresh outlook we are sending one box at a time across the big blue. The poor mailman is going to hate us for the next couple of weeks. 

I'm sad to leave Oklahoma. This has been everything I've ever known but I'm so excited for this new adventure. There are so many lessons I hope this teaches our children.   I want them to know that sometimes life is out of your control. You can do everything right and things might still go awry. That doesn't mean this is a failure. You can turn any situation into a good one if you have the right mindset and you take the opportunities that you're presented. Lean on your faith, believe in the good and let life lead you. I want them to learn that what one person believes is success and the American dream is not the same as the next person. 

For some people, the American dream is a single-family home on a quarter acre of land with 2.5 children, a dog, a mortgage, a career, newish cars and a busy schedule. For someone else, the American dream is traveling the world with no limitations, hopping from city to city: no kids, new ideals of what marriage entails, a job that takes them far and requires much of their free time. Still someone else might believe that the American dream is living a gypsy life: a tiny home with minimal furniture, lots of adventures and the ability to spread your wings at a moment's notice. Who am I to say that any of these dreams are wrong?

I have loved living in Oklahoma with it's wide-open spaces, friendly people and that feeling of home. I'm excited for Hawaii because although there aren't the wide-open spaces, there's plenty else to explore. So we're leaving our roots in Oklahoma, we're spreading our wings, and we're teaching the kids to fly.  

Delays, Delays

I'm going to see my husband. It's the first time I will have seen him in almost 5 months. I'm so excited I can't hardly stand it. I don't know how military families manage the time apart. I've been restless, irritable, and emotional at the best of times. Did you know that your conscious mind can plummet you through the stages of grief when you are separated from someone you feel strongly for, much like that person passed away? I didn't. Had I known the struggle would be so hard and hang over my every waking moment, I might have chosen another path for this journey. 

But I'm finally going to see him, in reality not a computer screen. I get to take in his smell, touch his face. I feel like I'm on my way to a first date, hahaha. I elated and nervous at the same time.

My flight was to be 12 hours flying time with one layover. I started in OKC at 6:30 Sunday morning, which means I was there and making my way through security at 5 am. I scheduled a flight originally to land at 2:30 pm local time (6:30 pm OK time if you're keeping track). My first flight begins boarding procedures and we learn there's a ground stop in Houston, delay of at least 40 min. My layover was only 45 min so I speak with United agents about getting on a different flight plan. For whatever reason, I am shuttled from one plane going to Houston in the OKC airport to a second plane going to Houston from OKC at the same time. New flight plan, from Houston, I'll go to San Francisco and on to Honolulu. New arrival time, 4:45. By the time the ground stop is lifted, my second connection will be missed. After landing in Houston, I receive a SMS message informing me that my connection was missed and I've been rescheduled for a flight to Honolulu via Seattle, with an arrival time at 12:30 pm Monday. In Houston I attempt to get on a standby list to get to San Francisco but am told I have to fly on the same plane as my luggage. It was suggested that I just accept the new flight plan. Of course, in a manner only befitting me, I don't accept this and plead with United agents until I learn where their customer service center is. So, off to another line I go to wait. 

Many people missed connections, so many flights had to be reworked. I'm just standing there trying to be strong and failing miserably. I finally get to the counter and explain my situation to Ellen R. It is important to me to recognize her because she was not only helpful, but calming and understanding. She informed me that when United change my flight, they not only had me flying to Seattle, but then back to San Francisco before going on to Honolulu. Frustrating to say the least! But, as I'm begging if there's anything or any chance, she tells me that there is a flight going to Los Angeles, I would have to fly standby, but if I could get on there, a flight from LAX to Honolulu had lots of open seating. I asked about our luggage because that plane was already boarding and she said, just worry about the luggage at my destination. 

I'm pretty sure I was at the end of the standby list, but made it on the plane and spent my first trip to LAX with a 4 hour layover. Ate some overpriced food, but worth it after snacks and peanuts all day. Bought a couple of souvenirs because who knows when I'll be in that airport or even California again. Secured tickets to Honolulu and once aboard, learned that with some crazy south winds our flight time was extended by 45 min, best case.

There's one hour left of this last leg of the flight and I'm not going to say it hasn't tested even ounce of my patience. What started as a 12 hour flight has morphed into a 22 hour flight, if we land at the projected time. But, for a day and a half, I will get to hold hands with my best friend again. Remind myself that there is a final destination and the end of the tunnel is so close. 

This is a picture of the majority of our changes throughout the day, not including the boarding passes for our Seattle-San Fran- Hononlulu that I was able to get adjusted.

Coming in Waves

I've really been struggling lately. Have you ever experienced complete exasperation? That's where I am. There is a plan for our situation. I know the plan, I'm walking the plan, I know there is finality for this part of our journey. But, as of late, I've felt like a duck on the pond. I'm trying to look like I'm keeping it all together when in reality, I'm just trying not to drown. I'm being pulled from every side and trying so desperately to give each aspect of my life 100% but I feel like I'm falling short everywhere. 

But this evening, in the quiet of my parents' house as I watch my children just be themselves, I am reminded of why we are doing what we are doing. To live simply, to appreciate life, to reconnect as a family. They are the best part of me, of Mark, and I want to enjoy them as much as I can before its their time to be out in the world. I want to share experiences with them and I want to see how they see the world. I want to love them and love on them. 

Some people won't like the picture I'm choosing to share this month but it has meant a great deal to me. We have been sharing a room in my parents' house and although I was unsure of the arrangement at first, I'm so very glad for this opportunity. I've been asked to read bedtime stories and sing goodnight songs again, things I thought they had outgrown. I get sleepy good mornings and late night kisses. Sometimes when you remove all the things you thought made your life better, you realize you already had the best.

It's so perfect that Hillsong United's "Oceans" is the song that speaks to my heart right now. I hope it speaks to you as well.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you're my God!

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

Sending much love, my friends. Keep your eyes above the waves.