As I sit in the quiet of a still house and listen to my father's even breathing, I'm struck by how quickly life can change. Like a brisk Oklahoma wind ushering in the change of seasons, the path of life is so quickly altered. I read a quote once attributed to Buddha that said, "The trouble is, you think you have time." So here is a snippet of what I've seen in the past few days.
What cancer is:
-quiet moments, hushed voices, care and kindness.
-forgotten letters, difficult decisions, long, sleepless nights.
-wonder and dread ticking away like an old clock.
-revisiting memories.
-medication in an old cowboy hat.
-tears and sadness, anger and despair.
-the harbinger of change.
What cancer isn't:
-a clearly defined path or timeframe.
-the culmination of a life.
-the end of the story.
-the death of hope and love.
-kind.
Winnie-the-Pooh said it best when he said, "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard."
I wonder what tomorrow will bring... joy? sorrow? As I lean heavier on my faith, I feel the peace that surpasses all understanding. For now, the grief comes in waves and I embrace them as they come. I try to work through them so they don't pull me under as they once did during my brother's passing. For now, I stand in the strength and knowledge of God's will. Genesis 28:15 promises us, "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I promised you." And so today and every day, for as long as I need, I will stand in the gap to pray:
Heavenly Father, you didn't promise us that the days would come without pain, that we could laugh without feeling sorrow, or that there would be sunshine without rain. You did promise a guiding hand, a master plan; to give us strength for each day, comfort as we pray, and a light for the way. Blessed are we for such wonderful gifts. Clear our minds of uncertainty, free our hearts of despair. Help us to love and be loved until we greet you at the Pearly Gates, where fear and sickness and death cannot take hold. Thank you for these moments, however fleeting. It's in your glorious name I pray. Amen.
