“Lemme call you right back” is a saying Southerners have. It’s really their version of ending a conversation without saying goodbye. I laughed when this popped up on my FB feed because I’ve said this phrase many times. I don’t even want to say goodbye to my friends and family, it seems so final. So this phrase is a pleasant alternative. “We’ll talk again soon“ is all it’s really saying.
I’ve had a hard time sitting down with my Bible since my father passed away. Now that’s not to say I’ve lost my faith... I still pray at every opportunity, so much so, that my son randomly acknowledged me as a prayer warrior recently. I’m still very active in my church and glad to be there. There are people in my immediate circle that are walking similar paths of grief and I’m thankful for them. We touch base and pray extra for each other. But me and my Bible and the stillness of my devotional time, I’m just not ready for it.
I think it’s fair to say that I’m still knee-deep in the stages of grief. But I’m not moving from one stage to the next. Instead, my grief journey seems to be like a child attending a trampoline park, bouncing from one stage of grief to the next and back, with no discerning rhyme or reason.
It’s getting better though, I can often speak of him without falling apart and I don’t cry every time a song or commercial about fathers comes on. Just so you know, Father’s Day sucks for grieving families just as much as for fathers in poor situations. I’ve sworn off cable TV and I’m a master at channel surfing on the radio if I think some sappy commercial is coming on.
But finally, now that I’ve shared all that craziness with you, on to my actual post. If you’re still reading this, thanks. I sat down with my Bible and no plan this evening. After looking randomly through devotionals, I came across a good verse that I wanted to share. Psalm 31:15 says, “My future is in your hands.“ So simple, right? And yet, reading these words was my reminder that it’s OK to not be OK all the time. God’s got me. There is a plan and my role is to simply allow Him to use me – my experiences, my pain, my love, my voice, my actions – to further His kingdom. And for that, all I can say is “Thank you, Jesus!”
I’ve always loved gospel music, there’s a special place in my heart for it. I love that it can reach into the very depths of your soul with its power. So I hope you look up Kirk Franklin‘s “I Smile“ and enjoy your journey as much as I’m remembering to enjoy mine. Here are some lyrics from the song followed by a short prayer I hope you get a chance to read. Please remember the images on this blog are most likely not mine. I don’t claim ownership, I’m just sharing something I liked.
I Smile - Kirk Franklin
Today’s a new day, but there is no sunshine
Nothing but clouds, and it’s dark in my heart
And it feels like a cold night
Today’s a new day, where are my blue skies
Where is the love and the joy that you promised me
Tell me it’s alright
I almost gave up, but a power that I can’t explain
Fell from heaven like a shower
I smile, even though I hurt see I smile
I know God is working so I smile
Even though I’ve been here for a while
I smile, smile
It’s so hard to look up when you been down
Sure would hate to see you give up now
You look so much better when you smile, so smile
Father God, thank you for keeping Your guiding hand on my life. Fill me with Your love so that I may share the joys You have blessed me with. In Your gracious and holy name I pray, amen.
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